= google8f5ee720693b5c31.html> PhatFlix: May 2007

Sunday, May 27, 2007

AVATARDED REVIEW- Top 3 reasons why 'SPIDEY 3' Sucks:

#3: Light on action, heavy on moral message.
Peter Parker has bad luck with mentors. Uncle Ben got smoked. Dr. Octavius went mad. His boss at the Daily Bugle is a dick. Peter's only positive influence is Aunt May. When he gets the least bit confused about something (which happens a lot), he runs to her and she offers up some shiny pearl of ancient wisdom. She is NOT fuckin' Yoda. We can't keep going to her for resolutions. Yawn. Without the kickass fight scenes, "Spidey 3" is a cross between a kiddy film & a chick flick.

#2: Mary Jane is no longer HOT.

Kirstin Dunst has shed much weight, and with it, her curvacious bod. Now she looks like a rosey-cheeked J.A.F.S.A. (which stands for "Just Another Fuckin' Skinny Actress"). The costume design didn't help, turning the Mary Jane character into a more slender & frumpy damsel in distress. Let's rent the Spidey movie with the wet t-shirt kiss, or "ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND", where a more shapely Ms. Dunst jumps up and down on a bed in her skivies. Nuff'said.

#1: Peter Parker's a Pussy.
The movie tried to jerk tears outta you in the cheesiest way possible. Between girlfriend drama, an inner emotional struggle and flashbacks of his Uncle's death, our friendly neighborhood wuss cried more than Lindsey Lohan's A.A. counselor. I got the feeling that the New York audience in attendance got tired of watching that lonely tear roll down Peter Parker's cheek. So much so, that the last 5 minutes of the film gave way to a sold-out Brooklyn crowd chanting to an on-screen Tobey Maguire; "PLEASE DON'T' CRY...PLEASE DON'T CRY...".

This is one of the many reasons I'm more of a Bruce Wayne kinda person. You'll never see Bloomberg giving his crazy ass the key to New York. Fuck that. I spent the rest of 'Spidey Week' in Gotham City.


HOW 2 VIEW : Pay-Per-View/Online Rental


Listening to :
Soundtrack inspired by the motion picture
Music by Prince
Release date: By 15 June, 1989

...I Am Tired Of These M#%*&@!F@#!$% Zombies...On This M#%*&@!F@#!$% Plane!!!

On a flight from Los Angeles to Paris a mad scientist (Midkiff), on the run by the CIA, is transporting a coffin containing the body of a colleague infected with a genetically modified virus. While the 747 crosses a violent thunderstorm, the instability of the aircraft allows the corpse to get out of its container. The flesh-eating zombie quickly starts to spread the virus, infecting many of the passengers which now will have to fight for their lives stranded in the air with no way out...

Welcome to the new age of the B-Movie. "B" could stand for "Budget", or "Bad". Whatever the case, check out this hilarious & disturbing gore indie with one of my former acting teachers RAYMOND BARRY playing the role of the Pilot.

It's "Dawn of the dead" meets "28 Days later" meets "Snakes on a plane" meets "Executive decision" meets "Die hard" meets...well?...Popcorn in the microwave, yet?

Enjoy before it gets jacked.

۞ PART 1: click here
۞ PART 2: click here
۞ PART 3: click here
۞ PART 4: click here
۞ PART 5: click here
۞ PART 6: click here
۞ PART 7: click here


DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)

Four voluptuous girls, each with unique fighting styles, are invited to partake in the "Dead or Alive" world fighting tournament on an exotic island.

File this one under Guilty Pleasure. This is a budget kung-fu flick was inspired by the video game of the same title.

Who's in it?
Devon Aoki who played the ninja hooker in SIN CITY, Jamie Pressly, the ex-wife from hell on MY NAME IS EARL and Eric Roberts, the new villain on HEROES.

Bad jokes, "wire work" special FX and gratuitous bikini spots make this a naughty distraction from whatever the hell you're doing.


Part 1 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1yfw3_doaz1/1
Part 2 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1y6df_doaz2/1
Part 3 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1y714_doaz3/1
Part 4 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1ygue_doaz4/1
Part 5 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1ygmj_doaz5/1
Part 6 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1yh43_doaz6/1
Part 7 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1yhor_doaz7/1