= google8f5ee720693b5c31.html> PhatFlix: 2007

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

That's a wrap!

• Wanna yawn? Take a look at the trailer for Jerry Seinfeld’s animated flick ‘Bee Movie”. Grab a tall one at Starbucks before watching.

• Where the hell is Gene Hackman? We miss him, don’t we?

• Rest In Peace: whoever died in the accident on the set of the next Batman movie.

• Was that Sigourney Weaver in the trailer for the new “Alien VS Predator” film?

• Timothy Olyphant was awesome on HBO’s “Deadwood”, kicked ass as the villain in “Live Free Or Die Hard” and stars in the upcoming (videogame inspired) film “Hitman”.

• Rest In Peace: original concept for the “Underdog” TV series.

• Hey, Hollywood!: Don’t you dare make a live action “G.I. Joe” movie without COBRA COMMANDER!

•Dream flick…“Natural Born Killers” remake starring Joaquin Phoenix & Britney Spears. Jeremy Piven plays the Robert Downey Jr. role. Directed by Michael Bay.

And….that’s a wrap!
Resident Evil: Extinction

Punk-ass movie reviewers panned this film calling it “videogame-inspired nonsense” and the like. Meanwhile, it debuted at #1 at the box-office and continues to pull in crazy bucks. Why? Well…let’s see…could it be because…IT’S A FUCKING AWESOME ZOMBIE MOVIE?

I guess their idea of a good zombie movie is 28 Days Later. Yeah, it was good. But not as dark, subversive and “fantastical” as R/E. Maybe they don’t like the fact that a corporation is the villain. Maybe they don’t like the fact that Mila Jovovitch reprises her role as a zombie-killing hottie with super-powers. Maybe they burned out the last iota of their “Suspension Of Disbelief” on the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. C’mon! You get what you pay for!

Director Paul W.S. Anderson rocks the third installment of this series (yeah, based on the hit videogame–BFD!) balls out with over-the-top special effects as our heroine Alice finally realizes her true psyonic potential and helps a band of “T-Virus” survivors through a desert wasteland that used to be Las Vegas.

Have no idea what I’m talking about? Good. Get out of the way and let the rest of us marvel at the imaginative blood work, badass fight sequences & zombie makeup. Don’t fret. The “Sex In The City” movie will be out soon.
The Brave One

I also used to talk a lot o’ shit about Jodie Foster. “Always playin’ the damsel-in-distress”, I muttered under my breath. But “Brave” was awesome. It’s the kind of film that turns interactive (the audience cheers & yells at the screen) when the action gets going.

Ms. Foster plays an evening talk radio jock reporting her spin on “things-that-go-bump-in-the-night” on the mean streets of the city. When “things-in-the-night” bump her & her boyfriend, her grief & rage compels her to buy an illegal handgun & take the law into her own tiny hands.

Hot on the case is a dapper, newly divorced detective played by Terrance Howard who’s gut tells him that she may be connected to the fresh vigilante killings that abound, making him torn between his badge of tin and his heart of gold.

The script is decent, the action ok and the bad guys are REALLY bad. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself cheering for their deaths like a Roman spectator at a gladiator bout in the Coliseum.
The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford

I used to talk a lot o’ shit about Brad Pitt. “No-talent” this, “Pretty-boy-gettin’-by-on-his-looks” that.

This was before I saw 12 Monkeys and watched him get nominated or an Oscar, applauding for him all the way. That boy can act. Oh yeah, he can really burn. He is perfect as Jesse James and so is Sam Shepard as his grumpy older bro, Frank.

But major kudos go to Casey Affleck who plays Robert ford, the mixed-up, yellow-bellied yungin’ that ends up killing the American folk anti-hero of the film’s title.

Mr. Affleck (Casey, not Ben) is establishing himself as a top-notch actor and it’s good to see him finally get a feature role to bite on like “chaw” in the jaw. He makes the psychological study of a complex character like Bob Ford engaging to watch. It would be a shame if he didn’t receive a Best Actor or Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination. Also worthy of mention is Sam Rockwell (awesome as usual) as Bob Ford’s simpleton brother and Mary-Louise Parker as Jessie’s soon-to-be widow.

Poetic narration & fantastic cinematography frame the excellent performances of this well casted film, a must for all western addicts and aficionados of period dramas. It has a pacing that’s laid back like life in the 1800’s - so if you want a “shoot-em-up”, go see 3:10 To Yuma. Y’hear?

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Bruce Willis To The Rescue...

I have a confession to make. I didn't go see "Live Free Or Die Hard" to see Bruce Willis reprise the role of Detective John McClane. I didn't go to see "Hi, I'm a Mac" pitchman JUSTIN LONG, either. (He was good in "Accepted", by the way). I didn't go to see the tons of stuff that explode into huge fireballs, or the cool 15-minute fight sequences.

I went to see co-star TIMOTHY OLYPHANT who played the role of Seth Bullock on the HBO series DEADWOOD. And I was not disappointed. He was the perfect villain- an ex-patriot / computer mogul who disables the infrastructure of the United States. The Stunts & the CGI are top-notch, the action & story on par with the first film of the series.

Question: why couldn't the last JAMES BOND film (I can't even say the name of it) have been THIS good? I miss Pierce Brosnan so much now, I'm frantically channel surfing for a rerun of REMMINGTON STEELE.

Oh, well. Here's two words that might wake JAMES BOND out of his coma: JASON BOURNE.


HOW 2 VIEW : In Theater / Pay-Per-View / DVD Rental / DVD Purchase (box set)

I'D RATHER BE: Watching a "Die Hard" movie marathon in a Jersey bar.

Pixar: Still the big cheeze

Pixar's latest animation masterpiece, "Ratatouille" is one of the finest films this year. It tells the story of a spirited rodent named Remy who just happens to be a great chef stuck in a rat's body. Director Brad Bird ("The Iron Giant", "The Incredibles") twists and turns this entertaining story through the streets (and sewers) of a gorgeously animated Paris. Take the kids. Take a date. Take the dog. And when the DVD is released, take it home.


HOW 2 VIEW : In Theater / "On demand" cable subscription / DVD Purchase

I'D RATHER BE: Watching it again.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

AVATARDED REVIEW- Top 3 reasons why 'SPIDEY 3' Sucks:

#3: Light on action, heavy on moral message.
Peter Parker has bad luck with mentors. Uncle Ben got smoked. Dr. Octavius went mad. His boss at the Daily Bugle is a dick. Peter's only positive influence is Aunt May. When he gets the least bit confused about something (which happens a lot), he runs to her and she offers up some shiny pearl of ancient wisdom. She is NOT fuckin' Yoda. We can't keep going to her for resolutions. Yawn. Without the kickass fight scenes, "Spidey 3" is a cross between a kiddy film & a chick flick.

#2: Mary Jane is no longer HOT.

Kirstin Dunst has shed much weight, and with it, her curvacious bod. Now she looks like a rosey-cheeked J.A.F.S.A. (which stands for "Just Another Fuckin' Skinny Actress"). The costume design didn't help, turning the Mary Jane character into a more slender & frumpy damsel in distress. Let's rent the Spidey movie with the wet t-shirt kiss, or "ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND", where a more shapely Ms. Dunst jumps up and down on a bed in her skivies. Nuff'said.

#1: Peter Parker's a Pussy.
The movie tried to jerk tears outta you in the cheesiest way possible. Between girlfriend drama, an inner emotional struggle and flashbacks of his Uncle's death, our friendly neighborhood wuss cried more than Lindsey Lohan's A.A. counselor. I got the feeling that the New York audience in attendance got tired of watching that lonely tear roll down Peter Parker's cheek. So much so, that the last 5 minutes of the film gave way to a sold-out Brooklyn crowd chanting to an on-screen Tobey Maguire; "PLEASE DON'T' CRY...PLEASE DON'T CRY...".

This is one of the many reasons I'm more of a Bruce Wayne kinda person. You'll never see Bloomberg giving his crazy ass the key to New York. Fuck that. I spent the rest of 'Spidey Week' in Gotham City.


HOW 2 VIEW : Pay-Per-View/Online Rental


Listening to :
Soundtrack inspired by the motion picture
Music by Prince
Release date: By 15 June, 1989

...I Am Tired Of These M#%*&@!F@#!$% Zombies...On This M#%*&@!F@#!$% Plane!!!

On a flight from Los Angeles to Paris a mad scientist (Midkiff), on the run by the CIA, is transporting a coffin containing the body of a colleague infected with a genetically modified virus. While the 747 crosses a violent thunderstorm, the instability of the aircraft allows the corpse to get out of its container. The flesh-eating zombie quickly starts to spread the virus, infecting many of the passengers which now will have to fight for their lives stranded in the air with no way out...

Welcome to the new age of the B-Movie. "B" could stand for "Budget", or "Bad". Whatever the case, check out this hilarious & disturbing gore indie with one of my former acting teachers RAYMOND BARRY playing the role of the Pilot.

It's "Dawn of the dead" meets "28 Days later" meets "Snakes on a plane" meets "Executive decision" meets "Die hard" meets...well?...Popcorn in the microwave, yet?

Enjoy before it gets jacked.

۞ PART 1: click here
۞ PART 2: click here
۞ PART 3: click here
۞ PART 4: click here
۞ PART 5: click here
۞ PART 6: click here
۞ PART 7: click here


DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)

Four voluptuous girls, each with unique fighting styles, are invited to partake in the "Dead or Alive" world fighting tournament on an exotic island.

File this one under Guilty Pleasure. This is a budget kung-fu flick was inspired by the video game of the same title.

Who's in it?
Devon Aoki who played the ninja hooker in SIN CITY, Jamie Pressly, the ex-wife from hell on MY NAME IS EARL and Eric Roberts, the new villain on HEROES.

Bad jokes, "wire work" special FX and gratuitous bikini spots make this a naughty distraction from whatever the hell you're doing.


Part 1 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1yfw3_doaz1/1
Part 2 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1y6df_doaz2/1
Part 3 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1y714_doaz3/1
Part 4 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1ygue_doaz4/1
Part 5 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1ygmj_doaz5/1
Part 6 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1yh43_doaz6/1
Part 7 http://dailymotion.com/zombielady/video/x1yhor_doaz7/1